Chapter 10, White Fragility: Rules of Engagement

Previous Posts
Introduction
Chapter 1: Challenges of Talking Race
Chapter 2: Definitions--Racism and White Supremacy
Chapter 3: Racism after the Civil Rights Movement
Chapter 4: How Does Race Shape the Lives of White People?
Chapter 5: The Good/Bad Binary
Chapter 6: Anti-Blackness
Chapter 7: White Triggers
Chapter 8: The Result: White Fragility
Chapter 9: White Fragility in Action

Chapter 10: White Fragility and the Rules of Engagement
I. The dominant conceptualization of racism as individual acts "functions beautifully to make it nearly impossible to engage in the necessary dialogue and self-reflection that can lead to change" (123).

She has discovered "rules of engagement" when approaching fellow whites on the subject. She is not endorsing these at all but indicating objections that will immediately be raised or obstacles that will stand in the way of conversation.

1. Do not give feedback on racism as it relates to an individual white person under any circumstances.

If you do:

2. Tone is crucial. You must be very calm and emotionless when you give this feedback. Any emotion and your critique will be considered invalid and easily dismissed.

3. You must trust that I am not a racist to be able to take any of my feedback.

4. If there are any issues between us, those must be solved before we can talk about race.

5. Feedback must be immediate when a possible instance of racism takes place.

6. Feedback is most effective when private, even if the event took place in front of others. "If you cannot protect me from embarrassment, the feedback is invalid, and you are the transgressor" (124).

7. Be as indirect as possible. Directness is insensitive.

8. "As a white person, I must feel completely safe during any discussion of race." "Point of clarification: when I say 'safe,' what I really mean is comfortable."

9. If you say I have racial privilege, you are invalidating whatever form of oppression I experience. Then we will get diverted into a long discussion of that.

10. You must acknowledge that my intentions are good (even if the impact of my behavior is harmful to others).

11. You have misunderstood me if you think my behavior had a racist impact. You must let me re-explain myself until you acknowledge it was your misunderstanding.

Here are her rules when getting push-back on any instance of racism coming out of her:

• Give me feedback anywhere, anytime. "I will take it any way I can get it" (125).
• Thank you.

She has not found in general that those who give such feedback, whether white or of color, are anything but sincere people who typically agonize over giving such feedback, only to be the recipient of highly emotional and unpleasant responses.

"Racism is the norm rather than the aberration" (125). "There is no face to save and the game is up." "I need to work hard to change my role in this system, but I can't do it alone. This understanding leads me to gratitude when others help me" (126).

II. I would summarize the last part of the chapter in this way:

• "If kindness gets there faster, I am all for it" (128).
• But niceness is a cultural feature of English and thus much of white American culture. It is not a feature of all cultures of color. "What feels respectful to white people can be exactly what does not create a respectful environment for people of color" (127).
• In the end, it is more important for us to make progress on these issues that to protect the feelings of fragile white people. 

So guidelines like 1) Don't judge, 2) Don't make assumptions, 3) Assume good intentions, 4) Speak your truth, and 5) Respect often can keep a white person from making progress on counteracting the racist orientation of our society.

"Stopping our racist patterns must be more important than working to convince others that we don't have them" (129).

III. Perhaps I should stop the review of this chapter there, because I have summarized its basic points in the way I think is most helpful. I did find some of this last part counterproductive. For example, I agree that I should be thick-skinned and be able to take a more confrontational approach, realizing that the niceness of my English sensibilities is cultural as well. I can take it!

BUT, if you want to be as effective as possible with whites, I think you will do your best, as much as is possible while pursuing the goal, to meet them where they are in their culture. See what I'm saying. You can be direct in a way that completely self-sabotages the goal. Niceness is not a feature of white supremacy. It is a feature of English and other cultures.

It has to be a dance because it's a catch 22. People will be made uncomfortable, yes. It seems inevitable. But you will fail at your goal if you don't at least to some extent try to meet them where they are in their culture. And what's the point of the enterprise if you fail?

Second there is again the contradiction of her invoking objective truth while almost seeming to deny it. I found this statement very striking: "All perspectives are not equally valid" (127). Yes, I agree. There is truth that moves beyond cultural perspective. One of those truths is that we are not a color-blind society. Yet she has critiqued objectivity as a feature of white culture.

Finally, once again, I think she would persuade more people if she presented her claims as generalizations rather than absolutes. "White people raised in Western society are conditioned into a white supremacist worldview" (129). I agree. I grew up with it without question. We operate within this structure regardless of our "intentions, awareness, or agreement." I also think this is largely true, but I think it is more true of some than others.

My thoughts... open to critique. I can take it!