Friday, June 22, 2012

When others are mad at you/accuse you...

It has been personally helpful to think of myself as ultimately responsible to God rather than to humans.  This can be a cop-out or an excuse, but I mean God as the ultimate knower of truth.  I submit to what I can best ascertain is what God thinks, as opposed to what those around me think.  And if you need a proof text, how about Romans 8:33?

So when others are angry at you or are accusing you of wrong or berating you:

1. What if any truth is there in what they are saying?
Some are prone to dismiss the criticism of others out of hand, those who cannot take any criticism even when it is constructive.  We must always consider that there may some truth to what they are saying, often is.  By the same token, some are too quick to accept the criticism of others when it is in reality the others who have the problem.

2. If there is nothing valid in their criticism...
Smile and wave, boys, smile and wave.  Why get upset when they're the one who's an idiot?  If I'm confident there's no truth to what they're saying, why should I be bothered?  For some, being angry in response can indicate there's actually some truth to what they're saying.  Of course there's a point where you say enough is enough and let a person know you're not going to have any more interaction with them if they're going to continue berating you inappropriately.

3. If there is something valid and you can change...
Then resolve to change and forget about it.  You can't change the past and if you've done all you can do, it's over.  Don't accept continued blame if you've truly changed.  There can be consequences in some circumstances, but at some point the accuser can actually become the wrongdoer after your "sins" are atoned for.

4. If there is something valid and you can't change...
Then you need to remove yourself from being in a position to wrong another or fail again.

We as humans are prone to self-deception.  Seek the counsel of others, often more than one.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ken: "It has been personally helpful to think of myself as ultimately responsible to God rather than to humans. This can be a cop-out or an excuse, but I mean God as the ultimate knower of truth."

You are ultimately responsible to and for yourself. You are the ultimate knower of truth.

Trust yourself for the peace that passes all understanding... .

Ken Schenck said...

Knowledge and faith are a two-edged sword. Even if I believe I am forced to make the final decision on truth... even if I believe in the Bible I am forced to interpret it. At the same time, it is essential for critical thinking that I consider truth outside myself... even if I would not believe in a God who is its ultimate knower.

Anonymous said...

Yes, consider truth outside of yourself but you are ultimately the decider of what you believe to be the truth.

If you had been born in Saudi Arabia you would be praising the truth of the Qur'an, yes?

Angie Van De Merwe said...

Anon,

Interpersonal relationships, and personal responsibility is not particularly "religious" or "spiritual", though some like to think of it this way.

Good relationships and healthy self-respect is true, period, irregardless of whether one believes in particular religious "truth".

I think it only cloudies or muddies the waters when people use "God" either to "scapegoat" another, or not take personal responsibility when there is blame. Religious framing can breed unhealthy tendencies in people's natural temperaments, or exasperate personal experiences....

Angie Van De Merwe said...

The biggest and most unhealthy tendency in religous circles, is to think/feel "God sanctioned" or justified, and think that that is all that is needed for a certain area of expertise!! This belief tends to justify itself as empowered by the Holy Spirit, apart from gaining the real world knowledge base or experience for the job! So much damage is done when believers claim such "higher truth"!!! No one has to believe anything per se about "God" to do or knoq about their job..and many take on responsibilities ill equipped and rashly that they have no business....whatever is found to work in the world, works, period. There is no such thing as "Christian" subjects....there is only a particular political view/policy/goal that forms a particular opinion about what "should" be done in the world. And none of us will agree on all aspects of policy.