Thursday, July 09, 2009

Guide to American Christianity :-)

Baptists - American Christians

Pentecostals - Baptists who speak in tongues

Methodists - Insecure Baptists

Anabaptists - Baptists who don't fight back

Presbyterians - Baptists who read

Reformed - Elect Baptists

Lutherans - Baptists who baptize infants

Episcopalians - Baptists who completely disagree with everything Baptist

Catholics - European Christians who came to America

Orthodox - European Christians who didn't come to America


Anonymous said...



Ken Schenck said...

Look under Methodists:
Very Insecure Baptists

Angie Van De Merwe said...

Is this the idea that one's upbringing, or social context, intepprets and understands innate ideas, such as justice within the narrow understanding of a "baptist" lens?
church government is not appreciated in such a context, as it understands things in individual terms..
but, the church is not the epitome of individiual understanding, is it, as it intreprets still through a natural theological framework of understandin text and tradition, which in the larger frame limits understanding to questions about God...what about the theology of nature, instead? that discussionis not limited to text and tradition, but experience and reason, as well...

Mark Schnell said...

Wha ... huh?

Mark Schnell said...

Ken, this makes me think of a conversation my wife had with a presbyterian friend the other day. He asked my wife what denomination we were with and she told him the Wesleyan church. He thought for a second and said with surprise, "Wait, you're Arminian?" When she answered yes to that he says, "I didn't think there were any of those still around."

My response when she told me about it was, "Spoken like a true Calvinist!" If you don't know the patron Johns (Calvin and Piper), you don't know jack!

Esteban Vázquez said...

Orthodox - European Christians who didn't come to America

What?! I'm Puerto Rican (born and raised) AND Serbian Orthodox, no less! ;-)

Ken Schenck said...

Rats. There may be some flaws to my system!

Jared said...

Ken, it is a perfect system to miff everyone, especially baptists!

Ken Schenck said...

In our current era, the era of the non-denominational myth, I've thought about developing a pseudo-diagnostic tool that analyzes a person. You know,

45% Baptist
30% Secular
15% Methodist
10% Liberal

Jonathan Parsons said...

Hey Ken, I don't think this pseudo-diagnostic tool is that exhaustive, but here you go! :)

Jonathan Parsons said...

Oops, didn't get the whole link in there.

s-p said...

Would that be "jack" Chick? :)

Andrew said...


I've had the reverse of that experience... in discussion with one of my relatives about a year ago, they commented to me that they believed Calvinism / doctrine of predestination had died out centuries ago.