A Footnote

I don't know how many people are reading my blog. I know some people in the dorms of Indiana Wesleyan University do. I know a few friends from the beyond have checked in occasionally too. Then there are the occasional visitors from the vast emptiness of the internet who come because they just happen to hit "next blog" the nanosecond after I posted.

I've (thankfully) noticed a difference between some students in my classes their first semester at IWU and then later. Although many take what I say with a grain of salt from the very beginning, some seem all too sponge-like at the beginning. I see those same students around campus their junior or senior year and I can tell they've changed. They know other professors have contrasting positions, and they've come to their own conclusions on many issues.

In short, I trust no one just swallows my comments here. Especially since I am sometimes venting. A blog is an interesting thing. It is like a diary, where you put your feelings. But the fact that others may be reading makes it a bit different.

And by the way, it is enjoyable to interact with others on the things you think when you're driving in your car. It's different from when you're up in front of a class officially representing a university or in a pulpit representing a denomination. And for the record, I think God understands my ignorance and accepts me all the same. I am open to any correction from Him as a standing rule.

But I suppose there is still some responsibility attached to a blog like this, if you know it's being read a little. I absolve whoever might read this blog from any need to take me seriously (most didn't need absolution).

In case you haven't read my comments to the comments made to my blog. I thought I'd mention some of the kinds of things I have expressed in my responses:

1. There is a part of me that feels a little sad when I convince people to change their minds on something. Part of it is the weight of feeling responsible for it. What if I'm mistaken? I'm known somewhat for telling my classes, "Feel free to disagree." Sometimes that means I don't feel completely certain.

At other times it's because I hate to burst people's bubbles. When I discuss how Matthew interprets the OT, I have no problem at all with Matthew. But I'm a little sad to burst the bubble of those who thought Hosea 11:1 straightforwardly predicted the event of Matthew 2:14-15.

There's no debate that Matthew is using the word "fulfill" differently than the way most people think. But I feel sad to be the messenger of this truth to others. Matthew is certainly inspired, but he wasn't saying what my Thompson Chain Reference KJV Bible implied when it catalogued all the OT Scriptures that were "fulfilled" in Jesus.

2. I honestly don't feel like I know who God wants to be elected this year. I view Bush as in over his head, but I think he has good intentions. He really does scare me in terms of the major damage I see him capable of. I'll muse about one reason why he might make me so angry sometimes in a second.

In one note I said the following: "I take fatalistic solace in the fact that Bush will be elected in Indiana no matter who I vote for." What I meant was that even if I cast my vote mistakenly, my vote will not change the outcome. In other words, I feel free to be genuinely mistaken. Of course if I vote, I'll hope I'm voting correctly. But in a twisted way, I won't worry about being wrong because the outcome will be the same.

I really don't think Kerry will do anything anti-Christian as president. I am genuinely open to being convinced that he will. On the one hand, he will not help stop abortion, that's for sure. But I don't think he will promote abortion either. There were fewer abortions under Clinton than under the current Bush, but that probably has to do with the economy as much as anything.

I want to see abortion illegal. I see it as murder. But given the current situation, I think we have to change the culture before that will happen and stick. I see our current efforts to do it through the legal process largely counterproductive and ineffectual. It does not target the hearts and minds, and I think will be consistently unsuccessful.

It is a paradigm I think we have unthinkingly absorbed. One that I fight against as a parent. It is the model that disciplines for justice's sake rather than for redemption's sake. These are my thoughts. These are some I am not 100% sure of, so critique them strongly. My community does not lean this way, so unless I am a prophet, you should bias yourself against me.

On any number of other issues I think the Constitution is in conflict with our Christian values (e.g. matters of homosexuality). I think the model of free will in these areas seeks to influence others for Christ while allowing them to make the wrong choices to their detriment. I think this is the way God does it. But again, my most immediate community seems to disagree with me. So unless I'm a prophet, you should perhaps bias yourself against my position.

3. Why am I so angry at Bush? I could be angry at Kerry. I think Kerry and Edwards are stretching the truth just as I believe Cheney has. There's not going to be a draft. Kerry is probably no great war hero. He can't afford his proposals any more than Bush can his.

I think Bush has made me feel stupid. I really wanted to believe he was doing the right thing leading up to the whole Iraq thing. Now I feel like a fool for even thinking he knew what he was doing.

I feel bad for Colin Powell. Here's someone I really respect and would have liked to see become President one day. I feel like Bush has smeared and shamed his good name both in the administration and in the world.

But most of all, I think Bush reminds me of myself about twenty years ago. Maybe that's the real root of my anger, or not. I look back at myself and the things I thought I knew and I think, "Boy, I was so stupid." I look at Bush and I see someone who thinks they know a lot but are maybe just a little shy of real depth, just as I think was. I see the gullible zealot of my earlier years.

Maybe I fear deep down that I am still as gullible as ever. I perceive Bush as a second rate thinker and scholar, a thinker wanna be. Maybe I'm angry at Bush because I fear I am as two-dimensional in my thinking as I think he is. I don't know.

Then again, maybe it has something to do with my mother. But since Freud may be involved, be sure to think of me and my blog more as the voice of a jester than of a thinker.