Book Review: How to Win Friends and Influence People I

My daughter Sophie recently started reading perhaps my Dad's second favorite book (after the Bible): How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie. My Dad actually took a Dale Carnegie course in the 50s. I've decided to read it with Sophie in honor of my Dad's birthday. He would have been 96 on October 30. I also sent a copy to my son.

Part I of the book is called, "Fundamental Techniques in Handling People."

Chapter 1: "If You Want to Gather Honey, Don't Kick Over the Beehive"

Here are some quotes:

• "Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, people don't criticize themselves for anything, no matter how wrong it may be" (5).
• "Criticism is futile because it puts people on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself."
• "Sharp criticisms and rebukes almost invariably end in futility" (11). 
• "When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion." (13).
• "Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain--and most do." 
• "'A great man shows his greatness,' said Carlyle, 'by the way he treats little men.'" 
• "Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them." (16)

Chapter 2: "The Big Secret of Dealing with People"

• Most human wants are eventually gratified except one, what John Dewey called, "the desire to be important" (18).
• Charles Schwab considered his "ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people the greatest asset I possess" (23). 
• Andrew Carnegie "praised his associates publicly as well as privately." 
• Dale Carnegie calls this "the power of appreciation" (25). It is not the same as flattery, which is insincere. "One of the most neglected virtues of our daily existence is appreciation" (27). 
• Honest appreciation gets results where criticism and ridicule fails. (28) 

Chapter 3: "He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World with Him. He Who Cannot Walks a Lonely Way"

• "The only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it" (31).
• "Arouse in the other person an eager want." "How can I make this person want to do it?" (33).
• "Every act you have ever performed since the day you were born was performed because you wanted something" (31 -- this is called psychological egoism).
• "If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own" (35).
• There are several examples of parenting where the parent yells at their children trying to get them to do something without success. The break-through is recognizing something the child wants that gets them to do what they need to do.